My husband and I met in a bar. I know, not very romantic, but that's how it happened. We actually met through a friend of mine that I cooked with in the restaurant of this old time style bar and grill. He was my friends brother in-law just moved here from the Bay Area of California. This was part of the reason were all friends to begin with, the mutual love and longing for the golden state. Him and I dated for about 4 years before getting married. This last September was our 5 year wedding anniversary. No applause please. Yes, it was a triumph, but any one can do it and I'm going to tell you how.
I know 5 years of marriage doesn't seem like a lot or maybe it does. Either way, it's work day in and day out. I was not always aware of this though. I thought that if you find the right person it should never seem like work to make the two of you happy. Right? HA!! I've been with this guy for 10 years now and even though he is the right one for me, he is still his own person and no one is JUST alike. As a matter of fact, him and I are very opposite in a lot of ways. For one; I live rock and roll. My wardrobe consists of Levi's jeans, In N Out t-shirts and many pairs of off the wall Vans. I am a tree hugging, camping, animal loving hippie. He, on the other hand is very into hip hop and rap, he's very G.Q. in his style and is always sure that his shoe laces do not show out of the bottom of his pant cuffs. He is very much a city slicker in most aspects of the term. We have some similarities and a lot of them are in our views and beliefs. Those are very important in a marriage and especially if you plan to have children. We my not always see eye to eye on these views and beliefs, but we understand these things come from the heart and how you were raised and we respect these in each other. Even the opposites are attractive to one another. He is (shall I say it?) 6 years younger than I. He keeps me young, to say the least. I enjoy going to hip hop clubs with him and going dancing. He LOVES to camp now and especially with the kids (I say plural because our newest member, The Dog, is of course as much of a kid as The Kid).
Like I said earlier though, no one is just alike. Even twins, identical twins can prove that. They have different likes and habits. So any time a person is stuck with another person till death do you part, there is going to be work involved to coexist happily for eternity. We found that out BIG time after The Kid was born. About a year or less into parenthood we just about imploded.
Most of our family live else where in the country. The Kids immediate family that lives near us consists of her Nanna which is my husbands mother. She's retired, does not drive and lives waaay on the other side of town. Not to mention the few close friends we did have did not live relatively close either nor did they have babies. Most of them had grade school kids. We had NO idea what we were doing and [in my eyes] were alone at raising this miniature human being. I mean she was a live, breathing human that was solely in our care and depending on us 100%. Talk about crazy reality!
Needless to say it put some big strains on mine and my husband relationship. Even after almost 7 years of being together, we had to learn how to live together all over again. It was no longer him and I out to conquer the world. It was now The Kid out to conquer us. Shortly after having my breakdown and realizing I could not be responsible for giving The Kid a part time daddy, among other epiphanies, my research mode kicked in.
We are definitely not the type of family who could afford a shrink (although probably highly needed for each one of our family members) and ultimately that is what we needed. At least that was my reasoning, especially after reading countless books and searching and reading for countless hours on the Internet. I knew the basics of our problems but I was not finding the solution tailored for our problems. I finally called in a friend card. A friend from high school whom I had found on the oh-so-wonderful Internet years after moving on with our lives happened to be a family counselor. I explained to her that I was not looking for any hand outs [I was] and that I truly just needed some professional insight on what we could do in our financial situation [we're poor]. I briefly told her our base issues and also explained that religion is a bit different for us in our daily lives so the suggestion of talking to our spiritual leader was not an option. After some encouraging words and props on not throwing in the towel like so many do she gave me a few tips and recommended the book The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work. This thing has become my bible.It's got sticky note tabs sticking out here and there, dog eared pages, scuffed corners, highlighter marker every where. It's an amazing tool. This book finally gave me the a way to work on our relationship instead of over defining the types of problems we may have and trying to get us to talk and think like the other to fix it. This gave me ways to rekindle our fire and to help bring us back to the feelings that brought us together in the first place. One of the coolest tools of the book is a 7 week exercise that is simply leaving your loved one a note [or that's how I tweaked it to work for us]. It's used for the work week when you don't see each other very much. The days objectives are all different and vary, like writing about a time you were happiest with each other, or what are 3 things you love and would not change about your partner? Or something of the sorts. You would not believe how teen-aged-boy-horny we were for each other. Of course it was that among other things we were working on suggested by the book that made us realize the love we ultimately have for each other. In other words it made us realize that no matter what life throws at us (and it seems to throw a lot our way. I don't know whether to be pissed or flattered.) we could live through it together. We've survived nearly 4 years of parenthood and I still love The Kids daddy more than I consciously realize.
We have our bumps where we'll fall off the wagon of marital sobriety and have to remember where we are and why we are here. Then we just get right back on the crazy wagon and continue on our venture of monkey taming.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Motivation, Determination. DO IT!
Organized people intrigue me. My mom is very organized. I've normally been one to follow schedules or routine, but organization is a trait that has always alluded me. My daily routine has most commonly been habitual more than harmonized. Sort of a mash of what needs to be done. Making it flow in an organized manor? HA! Good luck.
Well, since being pregnant with my daughter I've fell into the routine of ..., for lack of a better word, BLAH! Wake up either when the kid does or when we feel like it. Get dressed when we feel like it. Eat what ever we feel like. DO what every we FEEL like. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz BLAH! I'm finally so board of it. Especially now that the kid is pushing 4 years old. Of course it was not always like this as any one would know that has had a baby, especially their first. Babies are on their own schedule and you better abide or face the wrath. The first year was CRAZY and went by like a whirl wind. The next was a wonderful year of discoveries and firsts. And, of course, every chance we get we go out and see the world in a new and exciting way. But our every day life at home was lacking adventure. ..And it was all my fault.
I hear it all the time that kids do well with order and routine. I can agree with that, but always lived a little ... unconfined with the kid because ya just never know what's going to happen. I didn't want to be that mom that was tied to the baby's schedule. Yes, I breast feed. No we didn't have a regular baby sitter. No we did not have lots of relatives as baby sitting back up. We took her with us. She learned to sleep with noise around her, when it was convenient , in the car (which is the best as we all know), she meet lots of people, we saw lots of things ... before she was even one. Now that she is not a baby any more and doesn't require the 24-7 care that babies need, it's getting a little lackadaisical around here. It was not a sudden change like having a baby. One day you are two people, the next you are PARENTS and a family and years of responsibility hanging over your head. It's one of those things that sort of creeps up on you. Especially through the winter months. So I'm determined to change all that.
As I have said, I've decided to home school and that is still going well. Every few days we work on some type of preschool activity or work sheets. She always does very well and I often find my self looking for more challenging stuff to keep her as interested in learning as she is right now. Very soon this is going to prove to be tougher and tougher and we will need to invest a lot more time and money into school work. All the more reason to get my shit together and back on schedule. My goal is not only to get back to more of a daily routine, but to be better and more efficient at it. Not just to get my life in order and to better my child's life and jump on education, but to OWN it!
Things I'm doing to make this change:
I've tried before to just do it!! Make the schedule being sure to include all that is needed to be done. Then make sure I follow it to a T. ..Or pretty close to it. (I'm not that OCD) It may even go very well for a day or so, but that's about as far as I take it. I'm the worlds best procrastinator. I'm a stay-at-home-mom, I can always do it tomorrow. Well, pretty soon the tomorrows will be limited and I won't be able to make that big change in enough time. So I've finally learned that I need to take baby steps. They say if you do something for 30 days it will become routine. So I've made my self a motivational calender. I need to start with my self. (One of my rules of life. If number one is not happy, the people you love that are around you will not be happy.) For the month of February I have vowed to myself to work out a reasonable amount of days each week. I realize it's not good to work out every single day nor is it necessary to obsess about the plan of attack. But if I am determined to make the effort, by months end it should be habit. The following month I will work out 4+ days a week and fit in daily planning for the kid's schooling and to get on a house cleaning schedule. (One of my biggest obstructions.) Once again not stressing out and completely bailing on the whole idea and effort due to a little sway from planning. And so on. I have about 4 months worth of reconstructing so far. My calender heading says 'DO IT!' since that seems to be my preferred encouragement phrase. I often say it to the kid when she's being poky about something. I have the calender pinned right next to my bedroom door so I see it every morning as I leave my room. I mark off each day with red ink when I actually 'do it'. When I don't it's there staring at me every morning making me feel guilty.
Also ... I've started .. with another routine of sorts. It's more of a spiritual ritual I guess you could say. It's something I've been very curious about for quite a while now. The background that eventually led me to these types of thoughts and explorations are for another time. But as for my slow progress to a more balanced self I've began to delve into a type of meditation, if you will. I try to get a chance to devote even just a few minutes a day to focus and sort of visualize what is most important to me and to try and remember to stay on path through the day with what is of most substance. As I do this I see my (aging) body, my child, my marriage, the people I love and the fact that I'm not just cleverly disguised as an adult, but I actually am one and the responsibilities that I have because of it.
Now I don't know if all this focusing and "meditation" is actually doing it's part and helping me be more relaxed about the routine and enabling me to go with the flow letting me be more successful, or if it's more of an obsession in disguise. I think about it more, not wanting it to fail, wanting it to actually be doing some good. In the end, does it really matter how the result is meet if the result is what is desired?
I'm starting to feel more comfortable with the whole thing and feel like this could finally be it. The time that doesn't go down as, "Ya, I tried that once". I just need to keep remembering to DO IT! So far so good. We'll see in another month if it pays off.
Well, since being pregnant with my daughter I've fell into the routine of ..., for lack of a better word, BLAH! Wake up either when the kid does or when we feel like it. Get dressed when we feel like it. Eat what ever we feel like. DO what every we FEEL like. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz BLAH! I'm finally so board of it. Especially now that the kid is pushing 4 years old. Of course it was not always like this as any one would know that has had a baby, especially their first. Babies are on their own schedule and you better abide or face the wrath. The first year was CRAZY and went by like a whirl wind. The next was a wonderful year of discoveries and firsts. And, of course, every chance we get we go out and see the world in a new and exciting way. But our every day life at home was lacking adventure. ..And it was all my fault.
I hear it all the time that kids do well with order and routine. I can agree with that, but always lived a little ... unconfined with the kid because ya just never know what's going to happen. I didn't want to be that mom that was tied to the baby's schedule. Yes, I breast feed. No we didn't have a regular baby sitter. No we did not have lots of relatives as baby sitting back up. We took her with us. She learned to sleep with noise around her, when it was convenient , in the car (which is the best as we all know), she meet lots of people, we saw lots of things ... before she was even one. Now that she is not a baby any more and doesn't require the 24-7 care that babies need, it's getting a little lackadaisical around here. It was not a sudden change like having a baby. One day you are two people, the next you are PARENTS and a family and years of responsibility hanging over your head. It's one of those things that sort of creeps up on you. Especially through the winter months. So I'm determined to change all that.
As I have said, I've decided to home school and that is still going well. Every few days we work on some type of preschool activity or work sheets. She always does very well and I often find my self looking for more challenging stuff to keep her as interested in learning as she is right now. Very soon this is going to prove to be tougher and tougher and we will need to invest a lot more time and money into school work. All the more reason to get my shit together and back on schedule. My goal is not only to get back to more of a daily routine, but to be better and more efficient at it. Not just to get my life in order and to better my child's life and jump on education, but to OWN it!
Things I'm doing to make this change:
I've tried before to just do it!! Make the schedule being sure to include all that is needed to be done. Then make sure I follow it to a T. ..Or pretty close to it. (I'm not that OCD) It may even go very well for a day or so, but that's about as far as I take it. I'm the worlds best procrastinator. I'm a stay-at-home-mom, I can always do it tomorrow. Well, pretty soon the tomorrows will be limited and I won't be able to make that big change in enough time. So I've finally learned that I need to take baby steps. They say if you do something for 30 days it will become routine. So I've made my self a motivational calender. I need to start with my self. (One of my rules of life. If number one is not happy, the people you love that are around you will not be happy.) For the month of February I have vowed to myself to work out a reasonable amount of days each week. I realize it's not good to work out every single day nor is it necessary to obsess about the plan of attack. But if I am determined to make the effort, by months end it should be habit. The following month I will work out 4+ days a week and fit in daily planning for the kid's schooling and to get on a house cleaning schedule. (One of my biggest obstructions.) Once again not stressing out and completely bailing on the whole idea and effort due to a little sway from planning. And so on. I have about 4 months worth of reconstructing so far. My calender heading says 'DO IT!' since that seems to be my preferred encouragement phrase. I often say it to the kid when she's being poky about something. I have the calender pinned right next to my bedroom door so I see it every morning as I leave my room. I mark off each day with red ink when I actually 'do it'. When I don't it's there staring at me every morning making me feel guilty.
Also ... I've started .. with another routine of sorts. It's more of a spiritual ritual I guess you could say. It's something I've been very curious about for quite a while now. The background that eventually led me to these types of thoughts and explorations are for another time. But as for my slow progress to a more balanced self I've began to delve into a type of meditation, if you will. I try to get a chance to devote even just a few minutes a day to focus and sort of visualize what is most important to me and to try and remember to stay on path through the day with what is of most substance. As I do this I see my (aging) body, my child, my marriage, the people I love and the fact that I'm not just cleverly disguised as an adult, but I actually am one and the responsibilities that I have because of it.
Now I don't know if all this focusing and "meditation" is actually doing it's part and helping me be more relaxed about the routine and enabling me to go with the flow letting me be more successful, or if it's more of an obsession in disguise. I think about it more, not wanting it to fail, wanting it to actually be doing some good. In the end, does it really matter how the result is meet if the result is what is desired?
I'm starting to feel more comfortable with the whole thing and feel like this could finally be it. The time that doesn't go down as, "Ya, I tried that once". I just need to keep remembering to DO IT! So far so good. We'll see in another month if it pays off.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
I'm such a bitch!
I should never go to the grocery store knowing it will be crowded. Normally I go late at night or right in the middle of the day in the middle of the week when the little old ladies are the only ones in the store. Today is the day before the Super Bowl. I should have stayed home.
I get there and of course the kid want's "circle chicken". I get her in a cart and weave through the crowd to the deli counter. There was about 5 people in line, so I stood behind the one standing furthest out (assuming he's last in line). A couple people filter out after getting their order and I inch forward. As I'm standing there almost next in line (getting a little excited now since the faster this is over, the fast we can get out of this crazy store) and a woman wheels her cart up and right through the few people standing there and just about right in front of me. So what do I do but cause a huge scene, start yelling at her that I was next in line and to get the hell out of my way. How dare she try to cut in front of my starving child, dumb woman. Or at least that's how you would have thought it happened by her appalled reaction. In reality I scooted my cart forward and [politely] said, "Excuse me, I think I was next." JUST. LIKE. THAT. Where she began mumbling to her self expressions of surprise and disgust. I simply said, "Isn't that how a line works? You have to wait your turn?" She continued her display of disgust even asking another person in line (sarcastically) if she had cut in front of them. I looked right at her a few times while we were waiting for our circle chicken to maybe confront why she was making such a scene and that I simply didn't want to wait any longer than she did, not to mention teaching my daughter between right and wrong, but she never once had the courage to even look in my direction.
I'm a firm believer that you treat people how you want to be treated. Apparently there are a lot of people out there that like it when people are ass holes to them. Or at least that is how they treat others. I don't know of any other way of life, I'm no better than the next person. So if you are an ass hole to me, I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you are having a really bad day and you did not mean it. Continue to be an ass hole and you, either don't deserve my attention, or you will be wishing you had not gotten my attention.
I get there and of course the kid want's "circle chicken". I get her in a cart and weave through the crowd to the deli counter. There was about 5 people in line, so I stood behind the one standing furthest out (assuming he's last in line). A couple people filter out after getting their order and I inch forward. As I'm standing there almost next in line (getting a little excited now since the faster this is over, the fast we can get out of this crazy store) and a woman wheels her cart up and right through the few people standing there and just about right in front of me. So what do I do but cause a huge scene, start yelling at her that I was next in line and to get the hell out of my way. How dare she try to cut in front of my starving child, dumb woman. Or at least that's how you would have thought it happened by her appalled reaction. In reality I scooted my cart forward and [politely] said, "Excuse me, I think I was next." JUST. LIKE. THAT. Where she began mumbling to her self expressions of surprise and disgust. I simply said, "Isn't that how a line works? You have to wait your turn?" She continued her display of disgust even asking another person in line (sarcastically) if she had cut in front of them. I looked right at her a few times while we were waiting for our circle chicken to maybe confront why she was making such a scene and that I simply didn't want to wait any longer than she did, not to mention teaching my daughter between right and wrong, but she never once had the courage to even look in my direction.
I'm a firm believer that you treat people how you want to be treated. Apparently there are a lot of people out there that like it when people are ass holes to them. Or at least that is how they treat others. I don't know of any other way of life, I'm no better than the next person. So if you are an ass hole to me, I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you are having a really bad day and you did not mean it. Continue to be an ass hole and you, either don't deserve my attention, or you will be wishing you had not gotten my attention.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
The Dilemma
I've got this cat, well not just a cat, my baby! My first baby that is. I got her after moving out on my own from a friends place. He was allergic to EVERY thing. So when I got my own place I was ready to have a fuzzy cuddle partner. Growing up I was a dog person, always had them. We never had cats because we lived on a very busy street, and with five kids my mom was not interested in making up story after story for why the cat was gone. I had moved into a small apartment and couldn't bear to think of tying a dog outside or leaving it in my little box of a place while I was at work for 9+ hours a day. Never having a cat before I decided, probably irrationally, this would be my best solution for my need for some furry love in my little home. So I went to the pound thinking to my self I would not get the first kitten I saw. I was going to choose very carefully since this would be my first pet that I would have sole responsibility for (besides my rat Scooter that I had when I was about 10). I walked into where they kept the cats and kittens. The woman working there showed me the first kennel that had a tabby grey stray momma cat and her 5 kittens. There was one that sprung to the door of the cage and clung to it as if it should have been wearing a tiny Spiderman suit. I told the woman helping me that I would like to see "that one". As she handed the scared kitten to me it was almost like we were two socks out of the dryer that had no static cling sheet to help from the stickiness. I couldn't help but feel nurturing to this little ball of fuzz that had enormous ears compared to her tiny frame. So, yes, I ended up taking the first one I saw.
Flash forward 10 years.
This cat has been through EVERY thing with me. Moving from town to town, from place to place. Even from one guy to the next. Throughout it all she never judged me (if she did, she never said any thing <3). She was always there for me to cry into when my life seemed to be falling apart. She was my sanity in the crazy world of humans. I couldn't love her any more than I could love my own mother. Especially when my mom was so far from me along with the rest of my family after deciding at [probably] too young of an age to move nearly 1500 miles from them all. This cat was all I had and really all I needed at the time. Then I met him!
I met him at a bar, of all places. But it's not like that, although that's a story for another blog. We were two opposites finding common interest in the weird way the world and it's inhabitants worked. After only a few months we were inseparable, 3+ years later we were married and a year after that we were pregnant. Through all this [now] our cat has been the baby. He's been the first one she really took to and at times I accuse her of being a trader. She's a very picky cat. She's only known me as a constant. Every thing else she's known has been nothing short of a whirl wind of my crazy life. She's not fond of other cats at all. I think she thinks she's a dog, but only gets along with them if they are either afraid of her (she's a large cat) or they could give a rats ass about her. She's actually been know to cuddle with the right dog. She gets pretty skittish around new people and usually takes quite a while before she'll even come into sight. And she hates little kids with a fiery passion, which concerned me when I was pregnant with our daughter. After the kid was on the move the cat, one; was much faster than the kid at the time, and two; she had some time to get to know the kid a bit before she was being chased all over the house. To say the least it all worked out. The cat hates it when the kid tries to get too lovey, but she's surprisingly good with her.
With that all said I now have this dilemma. The cat is now nearly 14 years old and starting to show signs of old age. ...Or at least that's what I'm guessing. Since she has always been an indoor cat (because of the whole fear my mom instilled in me about cats and busy streets) I took her in as a kitten and had all her shots taken care of along with having her fixed. Since then she has not been back. She has always been a very healthy cat and has never been out to be exposed to any thing. Well, recently she has been throwing up a lot. Not like an annoying amount, but more like 6 or 7 times in a day. Maybe not every day, but at least a few times a week or more. Now, you're probably thinking, "Why won't you take her into the vet?!?". First, we are having a difficult time paying our house payment at the moment not to mention the fact that she is not a traveler. She gets WAY stressed out when being moved from house to house. Of course if she was 3 or 8 I would take her in and do what I could even if I had to set up payments some how. This cat is 14 years old. I can hear her play at night (when she is not puking her guts out all night). She doesn't seem to be loosing tons of weight. And there are days she seems to be just fine. But then we return to the days that she is heaving most of the day and obviously not feeling well and sleeps ALL day, which those days are not normal. But do I put our selves in more way-over-our-heads-debt for a very old cat? I've read and heard from vets opinion that I would have to do blood work on her to figure it out. (I've ruled out all the other obvious issues like hair ball problems or the food, etc.) That could cost a pretty penny before any thing is payed for remedies.
So there are my options.
Flash forward 10 years.
This cat has been through EVERY thing with me. Moving from town to town, from place to place. Even from one guy to the next. Throughout it all she never judged me (if she did, she never said any thing <3). She was always there for me to cry into when my life seemed to be falling apart. She was my sanity in the crazy world of humans. I couldn't love her any more than I could love my own mother. Especially when my mom was so far from me along with the rest of my family after deciding at [probably] too young of an age to move nearly 1500 miles from them all. This cat was all I had and really all I needed at the time. Then I met him!
I met him at a bar, of all places. But it's not like that, although that's a story for another blog. We were two opposites finding common interest in the weird way the world and it's inhabitants worked. After only a few months we were inseparable, 3+ years later we were married and a year after that we were pregnant. Through all this [now] our cat has been the baby. He's been the first one she really took to and at times I accuse her of being a trader. She's a very picky cat. She's only known me as a constant. Every thing else she's known has been nothing short of a whirl wind of my crazy life. She's not fond of other cats at all. I think she thinks she's a dog, but only gets along with them if they are either afraid of her (she's a large cat) or they could give a rats ass about her. She's actually been know to cuddle with the right dog. She gets pretty skittish around new people and usually takes quite a while before she'll even come into sight. And she hates little kids with a fiery passion, which concerned me when I was pregnant with our daughter. After the kid was on the move the cat, one; was much faster than the kid at the time, and two; she had some time to get to know the kid a bit before she was being chased all over the house. To say the least it all worked out. The cat hates it when the kid tries to get too lovey, but she's surprisingly good with her.
With that all said I now have this dilemma. The cat is now nearly 14 years old and starting to show signs of old age. ...Or at least that's what I'm guessing. Since she has always been an indoor cat (because of the whole fear my mom instilled in me about cats and busy streets) I took her in as a kitten and had all her shots taken care of along with having her fixed. Since then she has not been back. She has always been a very healthy cat and has never been out to be exposed to any thing. Well, recently she has been throwing up a lot. Not like an annoying amount, but more like 6 or 7 times in a day. Maybe not every day, but at least a few times a week or more. Now, you're probably thinking, "Why won't you take her into the vet?!?". First, we are having a difficult time paying our house payment at the moment not to mention the fact that she is not a traveler. She gets WAY stressed out when being moved from house to house. Of course if she was 3 or 8 I would take her in and do what I could even if I had to set up payments some how. This cat is 14 years old. I can hear her play at night (when she is not puking her guts out all night). She doesn't seem to be loosing tons of weight. And there are days she seems to be just fine. But then we return to the days that she is heaving most of the day and obviously not feeling well and sleeps ALL day, which those days are not normal. But do I put our selves in more way-over-our-heads-debt for a very old cat? I've read and heard from vets opinion that I would have to do blood work on her to figure it out. (I've ruled out all the other obvious issues like hair ball problems or the food, etc.) That could cost a pretty penny before any thing is payed for remedies.
So there are my options.
- Take the cat in and do every thing I can for her no matter what that means for my family financially, after all she was my first baby.
- Leave her be and hope for the best, cleaning cat puke off of EVERY thing every other day.
- Have her euthanized. (If the vet sees it fit.)
Sunday, January 22, 2012
My Road To Homeschooling
I went to school in the public Southern California school system. In first grade I was held back for not knowing my ABC's. Totally understandable, except for the fact that I went to school for two whole years before they stopped and said something to my parents. When asked of the teacher why it was not brought up earlier to avoid the set back, the teachers response was that I was just so quiet and well behaved. In other words because I was not overly active and disruptive nor was I sharp and quick to raise my hand I was simply overlooked. I was an average kid. That was apparently the start of my downfall.
I need to clarify something before I go on. If you've read my 'Intro.' post you know that I am fully aware of who is to blame when I talk about my life's dreams going astray. There are many occurrences that has lead me to the [some times bad] decisions in my life. But the only one to blame is myself for not pushing harder through some of these struggles I endured.
About the time my husband and I started looking to buy a house is when I first starting really thinking about my daughters schooling. At the time she was a little over a year old. Of course every one has big dreams for their children and hope for the best of every thing for them including an education. I was no different, but as far as where she would go to school and what type of educational experiences she would have was not something I had put a lot of thought into. Because the decision to buy a house in Northern Idaho was a big one (both my husband and I are from California and long to live there again one day.) I had to do lots of research to familiarize my self with the area and things that had never concerned me before. One of them being the school districts and boundaries and the schools ratings. I was surprisingly shocked at some of the reviews. The elementary school had considerably good ratings, but the middle school and high school was horrible. It was something like less than half graduated and half of that ended up going on to college. This is when I started to consider homeschooling.
I was a victim of the public school system and I remember it well. I'll give you a little background on me. I'm not the life of the party. I'm not the most reserved person either and at times you may catch me cussing like a sailor. But I tend to be on the shy side and I usually over analyze things before I get my self into any thing too crazy. So I just sort of drifted through school. I clung to the coolest kids that would accept me for my weird awkward self. It was usually the grungy skater/surfer/sit in the back of the class type of crowd. They seemed to be the least judgmental in my opinion, which was great for a kid who was pretty unsure of herself. So as before, I was overlooked. I excelled in the classes that peeked my interest like art and sports. And the rest I just sat quietly and returned my barely passing work.
So as I looked back at my school years and wondered if my kid would be active enough in some way to be noticed for her to take full advantage of the public school system I realized ... I needed to take it into my own hands and make sure she does not get overlooked.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Intro.
I'm slowly realizing that my reality is not what I had dreamed up. Of course I always dreamed of having children and being married to my best friend and some day owning a cute little house on some nice quiet street in some nice quiet town. Those dreams all came true. But is it really how I imagined it? No.
I had big dreams when I was young, like many ignorant youth. Of course I'm not saying that I could not have made those dreams come true. I am a firm believer in determination and it paying off. And I am a determined person. A lot of the time, though, my determination goes awry. Such as several of my life experiences. One thing that I have learned from all of this is you must find your own path what ever situation you are in. This has lead me to this blog.
I have had so many experiences that have lead me to this exact spot in my life and I am oddly thankful for all of them. Bad and good, strange and [some unfavorably] unforgettable and some extremely life altering. Every thing that has happened has brought me to the two people I love more than life it's self and I couldn't be more thankful for that. Consequently this has enabled me to let go of my past and concentrate on making my new dreams reality. Which so happens to be something I have just recently been able to identify. And with this, I will attempt to explain my crazy reality.
I had big dreams when I was young, like many ignorant youth. Of course I'm not saying that I could not have made those dreams come true. I am a firm believer in determination and it paying off. And I am a determined person. A lot of the time, though, my determination goes awry. Such as several of my life experiences. One thing that I have learned from all of this is you must find your own path what ever situation you are in. This has lead me to this blog.
I have had so many experiences that have lead me to this exact spot in my life and I am oddly thankful for all of them. Bad and good, strange and [some unfavorably] unforgettable and some extremely life altering. Every thing that has happened has brought me to the two people I love more than life it's self and I couldn't be more thankful for that. Consequently this has enabled me to let go of my past and concentrate on making my new dreams reality. Which so happens to be something I have just recently been able to identify. And with this, I will attempt to explain my crazy reality.
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