It has gotten easier. They get older and have more independence and the joys continue. But they will always need you no matter how old they get. I have to keep telling my self it gets easier. Because lately I might as well be getting up every two hours to feed her since that's about how often she wakes scared in the night. It takes hours for her to get to sleep from the time we are ready and getting into bed till she is actually asleep. And then it's ever few hours I'm going in to check on her. Not because she has woken up screaming like a bad dream or night terrors. More like she wakes to toss and turn and realizes that it's night and she's alone so she'll start to whimper, whine and cry till I come in. I try to make it as quick as possible so that she is reassured that I am very close and can be there in a snap when needed. But I also would like her to be able to deal on her own so she's not used to or expecting me every time just because she's whining. It's such a fine line between when you should comfort and when you should teach some tough love.
At times I can see how scared she is and I remember being that scared about things when I was little. I remember making my mom take me out of the tub before she let the water out because I thought I would get sucked down into it with the water. I was also creeped out by the stairs in Sears because I thought there was a crazy man that lived down there that would shave our head if we were to wonder into his domain. Come to find out it was just the furniture department. (we always took the escalator and when you're 5 you apparently can't or don't make the connection.) I found out years later my mother told us all that to keep us from wondering off in the mall and store. (She'll claim it was my brothers idea and she just went along with it. Right Mom.) :) But I remember being that scared. I feel so bad for her, especially with that look of complete fright and helplessness on her face, I just want to hold her tight and tell her it's okay. But that doesn't work. And not much is working and I'm starting to wonder about things like what actually makes a person go insane and what sort of copping drugs do other moms get that have insurance. Not to mention what the hell is going on in my kids head and if I can't find a solution soon, how will this effect her later on. Which is why I have been trying just about every solution I can find out there. And so far I've tried about six different things. Next is putting her bed directly on the floor off of the frame so there is no space under it for 'scarries'. With her BFF The Dog in there at night and her monster doll that helps keep the 'scarries' away and the numerous night lights she's got on with her flashlight right next to her and already sleeping on the floor next to The Dog we are still looking for remedies.
It doesn't stop there. As I said, she can't even go potty by herself. ..IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! If she's in the living room watching a movie or playing and listening to music, she'll freak out as soon as the movie or music has ended. Like when it gets too quiet and no one is in the same room with her she'll get scared and run and find me or start to whine and freak out till I come in. So the bedroom solutions my be helping slightly and If we continue to have her help guide us in a remedy for sleeping peacefully than we are making progress and that's excellent. I'm sure it will eventually pass if we continue to make her comfortable. (I'm fully aware that this is something that is very normal for an almost 4 year old.) But we still have the issue of her being scared. Since it's not just localized to her bedroom or night time or any thing specific it's hard to help her through it or to help her be brave against it. We have no idea what it is. It's not even like she's looking off into the air or at the wall or a corner. I could understand that. The 'scarries' would at least be identified as ghosts, spirits or what ever you may refer to them as. But that doesn't seem like the case either. It's more like the unknown. What's behind that door? What's in that crack over there? Is there something lurking in that open cupboard I can't see the back of? What was that sound? How do you teach bravery? Comments here are very welcome. I've seen about every tip or hint there is out there and tried half of them so far, but please feel free to coach away since I may not have tried your tip. I'm loosing valuable prime time TV these days and need some help!!!
I used to be scared of things I couldn't see or places something could be hiding in when I was little. I've always had a very large imagination. I think she has a big imagination too. Perhaps finding a way to empower her would remedy the situation.
ReplyDeleteI used to imagine being able to destroy monsters with my mind, and it'd help when I'd have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I'd make my self feel like the monsters are hiding from me.
Perhaps making or finding a story to tell her that will inspire confidence or having some type of inside game between the two of you. Something that makes her feel like she has no reason to hide or one that maybe even has a her feeling like monsters or evil is scared of her. Of course, I was a boy so my thoughts led me to the solution I mentioned above, but for a girl, maybe an object that offers "protection" could make her feel safe and stronger.
I know I'm being vague but, it's kind of hard to explain the feeling. I hope this helps you come up with ideas.
That's a great idea, Mark. Maybe I could make up a story about her as a super hero (one of her faves along with pirates.) about her defeating the 'monsters' or what ever is lurking. I have tried giving her a 'monster doll' that we told all about her fears to and gave it powers to keep those fears away. She will talk about needing her monster doll, but is still afraid after she's got it with her. :/ We originally made friends with the monsters because I convinced her they were smaller than her and that's why they were hiding because they where afraid of her being so big. She totally ate that up, but now there are other bigger monsters. At one point she told me that they were tall like me. That made me wonder if maybe she really is seeing things. (I considered it at one point but she never gave clues of actually seeing something of substance.) Like I said, I'll try just about any thing these days. So thanks for the idea. I'll have to get my writing juices flowing for a sassy super hero story. :)
ReplyDelete