Ahhh Homeschooling

Let the learning begin. Well, ...continue, I should say. Of course since The Kid was just a wittle baby I've been stimulating her brain in any way I can. Recently I started using some free online curriculums through the last spring and summer (although we didn't do much but play over the summer). It's kept her on her toes and ready for schooling at a moments notice. We haven't been working on a daily bases and I think that helps. But now that she is 4 and ready to be doing a scheduled curriculum, I've taken a stab at writing one my self. I had some help from some friends in a Pagan homeschooling group with ideas, and also the world wide web is a necessity. But before I started I needed to make sure I was really ready for all of this. I am, as some may know, not the most organized person. So I looked over a random school supply list and searched the web for must haves for kindergarten. I had most of the things a kindergartner would need like crayons, pencils, construction paper, glue, etc. My biggest help so far though has been her calender. I went and got her a planner for her schooling. In times past I have tried to set up a months worth of schooling. That was hard to stay on top of since a day in the life of a homeschooler can be very unpredictable. ...especially with a scatter brain teacher like my self. I also tried an actual curriculum but that was too similar to the monthly set up. Finally I read a suggestion on a homeschool page I follow that did rotating days. For example; on Blue days we do philosophy, Spanish, religion (Faith) and P.A. (physical activity which we do every day). On Red days it's history, science, geography and more P.A., Yellow days are reading, writing, math and P.A. Then there are the PBS days which she plays the PBS Kids Play online curriculum that is designed just for her. And then the 5th day is a field trip day. We go to the library, a museum, walk in nature, tour a place of business, etc.

Today is the first day. Right now she is watching Rapunzel (not like she needs a refresher) and through the movie I've asked her some moral type questions, like is Mother Gothel a bad person? Why? Is she bad for taking care of Rapunzel all those years as a baby and little girl? Things that will make her think and question what is. Philosophy is going to be one of my favorite subjects, I can tell already. Today's P.A. is a work out with mom. The kid really gets going on the routine and is a great cheerleader for me to stay motivated. Later we'll learn more about our religion and one of the "holidays" (Sabbats) coming near. Then it's onto a word/picture puzzle for Spanish. I received this puzzle through Discovery Toys when I started my business with them and am excited to be using it in my homeschool routine. It will be great for not only teaching words and sounds and reading, but the word side of the puzzle pieces have the word in English, Spanish and French. As does many of the Discovery Toys.

~~~~~

Day 2; So we covered most of what I had aimed for yesterday. While on a late errand we had a discussion in the car about the next couple of Sabbats coming up like Mabon and Samhain and why we celebrate them. We also talked about how the original traditions have turned into the ones of today. She was actually quite interested which was pleasantly surprising.

What we didn't cover, we did today. And what we don't get to today, we'll worry about tomorrow. I have to remember that she is learning, we are having fun and we still like each other. The moment I start to stress about getting behind will be the start of a disaster. Because I've tried to keep to my rigid schedules before and have failed miserably. I put to much on my plate and expect my self to follow the plan to a T. Which we all know is mostly impossible when you are a mom......homeschooling.....with a home business. 

As I get further into the year and figure out what works and what doesn't, I'll keep you updated. My biggest challenge is going to be keeping her this interested in "the lessons". Especially not having any one to stay motivated with.  At least not yet. That will be the next issue is finding a homeschooling group we will fit into. I fear that might be a harder task then I like to think about since we live in a smaller town and we don't exactly have a "main stream" faith. If I wish it, so mote it be? :) 

Oh, The Bumpy Road

When I last wrote about homeschooling it was more about how I had decided to take this road. Well the road got bumpy. Like a winding dirt road full of pot holes after a hard winter. It's turned into a very daunting task. 

I'll share some of the things I've found out while researching this life decision. First and foremost you need to be aware of what you plan to teach and how you plan to do it. Most people turn to homeschooling because of religious reasons. The fact that public schools don't incorporate religion into schooling bothers a lot of people and they remedy that by taking charge of what their kids learn. Others are bothered that there is even a hint of religion being taught like the words "one nation under God" in the pledge of elegance. [That is a whole other post] My decision had the same religious weight seeing that most schools don't willingly teach about Pagan beliefs and even more are less knowledgeably tolerant. So I knew what we wanted to teach The Kid. Of course the normal reading, writing and arithmetic. I also wanted her to be aware of my religion and learn for her self as many other religions as we can research. Just like teaching her math and science and proper grammar will help her future decisions of money, jobs and every day living, so will teaching her to be just as knowledgeable about the worlds beliefs to help aid her decisions on a spiritual path of her own. And a bonus from that is that she will just as much respect all others as she respects her self.


So now that I knew what I wanted her to learn, I had to figure out how to teach it to her. ..... Have you met my kid??? I'm not quite sure if she's got one of those hyper active disorders yet. I would not be surprised. The doctor just keeps telling me, "She's a kid." Like that's excuse for her to act like a wild animal half the time. .... Okay, so maybe it is. THAT'S besides the point. What matters is I need to try and figure out how to keep her interested and wanting to do school work. It's sort of a hit and miss thing with her. Some days she's all over it and excited and wanting to do more. Other days, most days she's .. well, a typical kid and just wants to play and do anything but sit still. And in researching homeschooling methods I realized it's possible that not one single curriculum will do the trick. Many parents have mentioned using multiple methods of teaching to accommodate the learning style of their kids. One of them being unschooling. If you've never heard of it (and even if you have) you may think how is that good for any one. Let me give you the quick one, two here. Unschooling is the method of teaching the kids what they choose, when they choose and some times in the form that they choose. Seems like a great idea. Let the kids do what ever they want. Well, that's just about what I thought too. Until I started reading more peoples testimonies about this "unschooling". The idea is to give the learning control to the one that is learning. What better to get their interest than to let them work on what interests them? In theory the kid learns more in depth and with a better understanding if he/she chooses to learn it. 'They' say that children will strive to finish what interests them and this gives them the opportunity to stay interested till they feel they have achieved what they were seeking or have finished the task. It sounds very logical. To be honest, a lot of what I've read is that when some do this unschooling they incorporate a scheduled time or a certain task, but give the kids freedom to do it in their own way.  In other words they have combined two different styles of teaching to fit with their kids needs. Which sounds wonderful and I've realized that's a similar path we will probably take. Because of the variety and the amount of schooling methods and curriculums it seems very common to combine maybe even a few of these styles. But there's two issues I have with this path of teaching. One being I could not just let my kid decide what, when, how and where she's going to learn because she would learn about bubbles, NOW, with The Dog, outside. ... All. The. Time. But the thought of trying to get her to sit and do school work on a regular basses I know will wear her thin and me. The other problem I have is that it does sound like a great idea and even a better idea if I can combine a couple styles like I've read about, ....but have you seen the price of curriculums?? Essentially I'm sending her to the best private school money can buy ... But to buy a curriculum (that I know I could write on my own just by having a year or two under my belt doing this) is not something I want to spend that sort of money on only to use it partly or for a vague guide. 


Well, here's what I've decided to do. Thankfully she will only be 4 this August and I think I have found a FREE =) curriculum of sorts that can let us sort of wonder through what we think is interesting. Use it how you will, but how I have anticipated using this 36 week Smorgasbord found on Homeschooling-Ideas.com is to find topics that I know she will be interested in and will be fun to learn. I think most of these topics can be adapted for her young age as they would for any age I would imagine. Through the summer we're going to try out some different settings and times for learning to see what works best. Since summer is so busy for us we will have to fit in "learning time" when we can. Lately we have been doing an hour of it before bed which seems to work good. I needed something to calm her down and keep her that way before bed because every thing else always turns into a big production with her and she gets hyper and riled over just about any thing. I would like to get more in the habit of schooling earlier in the day. I guess that will have to be something we discover in this trial period. Because come fall when camping and folfing and the days of summer are at an end, we are starting right from the top of the 36 week Smorgasbord with smiles and bells on. We'll see how many smiles are left and where the bells are at the end of the year.

Pagan and Proud

For many years I have struggled with my religious views. I was raised Christian, although we rarely attended church. Usually only when the grandparents were in town for a holiday like Christmas or Easter would we go to a service. When I was small I would go to the Sunday school room and I even had a picture Bible (that the rest of the kids made fun of because it wasn't "a real Bible because real Bibles don't have all those pictures"). Like in high school many years later, I felt like I was an outcast and just didn't quite fit in with the other kids. In other words it wasn't my favorite place to be. Maybe that's what started it, but as I got older I started to wonder who this "God" is. 

I'm a very scientific minded person. If I can't see it or feel it and/or see how it works, I have a hard time understanding it. I like to experiment and see the results to learn more about what it is I'm interested in. So when I was in my teens I started attending church again with my sister who is very devout Christian. I wanted to get a better view than what I had in Sunday school where I was always so uncomfortable. I was older and therefore wiser to maybe understand better. I went with her for about a month I think going to every Sunday service or Wednesday night (which was better, because that's when most of the younger people went). I learned a lot about Christian belief. ..But I still was not convinced that this was my path. I admire the values Christians have. I understood that this was the teaching they were trying to get across. What I still didn't understand was who is "God" and why did some people hear him or speak with him, but not me. Why were bad things happening to some people and good happening to others. And not even always was it good happening to good and bad happening to bad. Why would God choose to punish good people? And why would "he" give good fortune to very bad people? I started to really question what religion was all about and started, at one point, identifying with Atheism. I couldn't fathom that this 'great being' created the Earth in 7 days among other far fetched myths. And I think that's when it hit me. The word 'myth' that is. I started to associate this word to the stories in the  Bible, just like one would associate this word to stories of the ancient world and things/places like Atlantis and such. You can't see it, no one has found it, but yet the story still lives on from thousands of years ago. I started to wonder about the origins of these myths and wanted to learn more. 

In my early 20's I moved north from Southern California and met a girl at a place I worked at. She was the one that introduced me to Wicca and that lead me to research lots of the Pagan beliefs. In doing so I realized that Paganism is a very controversial religion. After all if you are Pagan you are considered a witch and if you haven't looked up the definition of the word "witch" it's not very attractive. Lots about how they practice magic, mostly dark or black magic. Witches are ugly and deceitful people not to be trusted. Why would any one WANT to follow this path. Well, mostly because people don't want to educate them selves about what they are not familiar with if it doesn't concern them. And some make it their concern with out educating them selves first and that's where the bullying and hatred starts. I, on the other hand, was very curious about all of this and wanted to know more about where and how it started. This is what I learned:

The definition of the word pagan means [basically] one who is of no religion, one who lives off the land and uses that of nature to guide, heal and inspire. In other words it was all the people that lived in the country out of the reach of their kingdom and [new] religious views. People that truly lived off the land using herbs (natural remedies, something we could use a lot more of in this day and age) and any thing else that aided their living and health. Who else would you thank for the growths that heal and feed, the dirt that made the growth possible and the sun, rain and animals that aided in that growth? Earth! Or in other words, the Goddess within that gave birth to all of the wonderful, helpful, healing aspects of our world. I know, far fetched, right? But how far fetched is it to think that an unseen being created the Earth in a mere seven days??

Today is Pagan Coming Out Day and I am taking advantage of this because for many years I have become a stronger believer of the Pagan path, but scared of the repercussions of being open about it because of societies outlook on Pagans, or witches if you will. I've come to realize that this is probably a very similar feeling for most gays. (I have very close friends/family that are.) It's a scary feeling to think that some one may hurt you or even try or want to hurt you because of who you are (physically or mentally. It's all just as bad). It's not an attack on what you believe or your sexual preference, It's a direct action toward you as a person. No one should ever feel afraid of who they are!!! But I am curbing that fear today to let you all know that I am Pagan and I am proud of it. And I encourage you to inquire more about it today (I'll be more than happy to answer questions). If not for your own curiosity, than for someone you may know that you may not have known is Pagan because of their same insecurities a lot of us have. Be knowledgeable, not judgmental.  

Keeping the 'scarries' away?

I've been having issues with The Kid and her being scared of every thing!!! Actually it's nothing, from what I can tell. She seems to be afraid of the unknown. Like what might be under the bed or is there something lurking behind the closed shower curtain. If a door is just barely open she won't go past it or if she has to go into a room by her self, that pretty much doesn't happen any more. I have to go with her to the bathroom and then stand there and wait for her, after I have closed the tub drain. I used to tell my self when she was small with the bad gas and the middle of the night feedings, It will get better. The worries will change but it will all get easier. I still need to tell my self this.

It has gotten easier. They get older and have more independence and the joys continue. But they will always need you no matter how old they get. I have to keep telling my self it gets easier. Because lately I might as well be getting up every two hours to feed her since that's about how often she wakes scared in the night. It takes hours for her to get to sleep from the time we are ready and getting into bed till she is actually asleep. And then it's ever few hours I'm going in to check on her. Not because she has woken up screaming like a bad dream or night terrors. More like she wakes to toss and turn and realizes that it's night and she's alone so she'll start to whimper, whine and cry till I come in. I try to make it as quick as possible so that she is reassured that I am very close and can be there in a snap when needed. But I also would like her to be able to deal on her own so she's not used to or expecting me every time just because she's whining. It's such a fine line between when you should comfort and when you should teach some tough love. 

At times I can see how scared she is and I remember being that scared about things when I was little. I remember making my mom take me out of the tub before she let the water out because I thought I would get sucked down into it with the water. I was also creeped out by the stairs in Sears because I thought there was a crazy man that lived down there that would shave our head if we were to wonder into his domain. Come to find out it was just the furniture department. (we always took the escalator and when you're 5 you apparently can't or don't make the connection.) I found out years later my mother told us all that to keep us from wondering off in the mall and store. (She'll claim it was my brothers idea and she just went along with it. Right Mom.) :) But I remember being that scared. I feel so bad for her, especially with that look of complete fright and helplessness on her face, I just want to hold her tight and tell her it's okay. But that doesn't work. And not much is working and I'm starting to wonder about things like what actually makes a person go insane and what sort of copping drugs do other moms get that have insurance. Not to mention what the hell is going on in my kids head and if I can't find a solution soon, how will this effect her later on. Which is why I have been trying just about every solution I can find out there. And so far I've tried about six different things. Next is putting her bed directly on the floor off of the frame so there is no space under it for 'scarries'. With her BFF The Dog in there at night and her monster doll that helps keep the 'scarries' away and the numerous night lights she's got on with her flashlight right next to her and already sleeping on the floor next to The Dog we are still looking for remedies. 

It doesn't stop there. As I said, she can't even go potty by herself. ..IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! If she's in the living room watching a movie or playing and listening to music, she'll freak out as soon as the movie or music has ended. Like when it gets too quiet and no one is in the same room with her she'll get scared and run and find me or start to whine and freak out till I come in. So the bedroom solutions my be helping slightly and If we continue to have her help guide us in a remedy for sleeping peacefully than we are making progress and that's excellent. I'm sure it will eventually pass if we continue to make her comfortable. (I'm fully aware that this is something that is very normal for an almost 4 year old.) But we still have the issue of her being scared. Since it's not just localized to her bedroom or night time or any thing specific it's hard to help her through it or to help her be brave against it. We have no idea what it is. It's not even like she's looking off into the air or at the wall or a corner. I could understand that. The 'scarries' would at least be identified as ghosts, spirits or what ever you may refer to them as. But that doesn't seem like the case either. It's more like the unknown. What's behind that door? What's in that crack over there? Is there something lurking in that open cupboard I can't see the back of? What was that sound? How do you teach bravery? Comments here are very welcome. I've seen about every tip or hint there is out there and tried half of them so far, but please feel free to coach away since I may not have tried your tip. I'm loosing valuable prime time TV these days and need some help!!! 

What's for dinner?

One of these days I will get a handle on the blog thing and have these posts in categories and tags and all sorts of fancy navigation systems. But for now this is how you get it. ;) And it just so happens that I had an epiphany last night and now after a whole morning of research and planning, feel the need to write about my discovery. And it turns out that I wasn't as bad off as I had thought. Well, at least not in this particular subject. 


We desperately need a budget. Not that I'm going to bore you with lectures and statistics on how I've learned how to save and live comfortably. Because honestly I am FAR from that. lol But as I was researching and checking on budgeting my grocery bill as one of my starts, I realized that I was already half way there. With the grocery bill that is. 


A few of the starting tips I had gathered were that you need to figure what you are already spending in a months time. You don't know what you need to cut back on until you know where it is going in the first place. I already have a pretty good average on what I spend (these days. we always spend more in the summer.) at the grocery store in the course of a month. The other tip was to plan your meals. And as I looked through some of the topics on how to go about this, I realized I had been doing this subconsciously already. So apparently it is easier than I had imagined and had made it out to be with every other attempt I over complicated.


About 6 month ago I finally got fed up with the constant daily struggle of deciding what to make for dinner. The Hubby was NEVER any help with that daunting question and The Kid would inevitably say, "Chicken and fries, please". (even if I was asking about breakfast. lol) And with out a plan there was usually no meat pulled from the freezer with anticipation. Adding to the fact that we do not own a microwave. I know, you probably just gasped right then. Most people do. We just don't have the room for one and when we moved in, the rental we came from had a built in over the stove, hood style. So we just opted to do with out since I'm sure the process, nor the products made for microwaves (that are so easy to have on hand for just in case.) are not good for you in any way. So some of my preparation takes a little longer, but I justify by telling myself it's a healthier route.


How I came up with my starter plan was fairly easy. It was inspired by my brother who has spaghetti every Wednesday. (Actually I think a lot of people have this weird tradition.) So I figured that's all I needed to do is have a specific meal each night and every week do that same thing. ... Well not exactly that. That would get really boring. But I did have a theme for each night. It has evolved a bit since I started, but this is sort of how it went. Monday night was a surprise night. I would get something out to thaw for the weekend and then get caught up in activities and not make what I had intended. So Monday was my do over day for dinner. Tuesday nights (at the time) I was doing a Zumba class, so I made those night 'Find it your self' night. :) Easy enough. Wednesday was, of course, spaghetti night. Thursday was breakfast night inspired by my husband who normally only gets a home cooked hot breakfast maybe once a week. Now he looks forward to every Thursday night. Friday was Mexican night. We love Mexican food as much as (maybe more than) Italian food so this was an easy one too. Saturday and Sunday ended up being another surprise night and BBQ. The only thing that has changed much is that I no longer do the Zumba class on Tuesday nights. I've recently found lots of supper easy crock pot recipes so now I dedicate Tuesday nights to them. And Wednesdays are now Italian night to give me a little more options. 


I have now gone as far as creating a menu board on my cupboard in order to have a place for the weeks recipe cards. Since I have been doing the weekly planning, shopping for groceries has become a little easier as well. So that's when I decided to take on this menu thing full force. I bought a pack of cork sheets from Wal-Mart and some of the sticky puddy you use for mounting glow stars (that stuff is awesome and I use it for every thing now). I cut the cork to fit on the inside of my cupboard and added cute days of the week tags. Under each one I can pin my recipe card so it's easy to see and use when remembering what needs to be taken out to thaw. At the beginning of the week or the end of the previous I sit and look through my recipes or find a new one or two. Then I compare the ingredients to my pantry and fridge and add what's needed to the shopping list. Then tack the appropriate dinner to the right themed night and I don't have to worry about dinner until it's time to make dinner. This last time I even prepped the chicken while separating them (I bought a large bulk package.) with anticipation of my menu this week. It's basically lead to a LOT less waist. I buy what I need to cook (with the exceptions of the staples that are just plane handy to have on hand) and there is nothing left going to waist because I have bought hastily unsure of what I will even use it for or when. I can tell already that this will teach me to look at our spending much differently.  


My next step is to go back to grocery shopping with cash. Since we have started having our checks direct deposited, I use my card mostly and it's lots easier to loose track of the bill. I used to count every piece that went into the cart and I need to go back to that. It's unfortunate that eating better (no more frozen dinners and less processed foods) doesn't save a ton on the grocery bill (just yet, I'm still new), yet I have not been spending any more. What could be better to be healthier, more frugal and have more time and less thought about dinner every day?

Let's go camping!!

I must apologize for any randomness of my posts. I'd like to have a blog filled with informative and enjoyable reading. If nothing else at least to crack a smile or provoke a thought. Being new to this blogging thing (if you haven't noticed) I'm at little scattered with my thoughts, stories and information that I'd like to share with you. One of my main focuses is to stay true to my self. That is, I want this blog to be about all the things I am proud of, the things that I have learned through my life and experiences that I have had. In staying true to my self and hoping to be informative for you I would like to talk about something very special to me in so many different ways. Camping!!! Oh, the word even give me goose bumps. I've been doing it since before I could walk. And so has my kid. Here's how we do it. 


If you've read any of my previous posts you might have found that my husband and I are very different. When I first met him he hadn't been camping a whole lot. He would go with his buddies to a camp site with 50 other campers in a maybe 3 acre camp ground. He would bring beer, hot dogs, maybe a sleeping bag for in the car, a pillow and more beer. But mostly he was a city boy who liked to just party and listen to his music. The first few times we went camping together he gave me such a hard time about how much stuff we were bringing. He would say, "It's just the two of us. We are not supplying the whole gang. We are only going for like 3 days. ...Really? Do we really need all this??" And every time he'd be like, "Oh shit! Do we have a can opener?" Yes. "Crap, did you bring any band aids?" Yes. "I totally just stepped in the grossest, muckiest slop puddle ever. Wish I had a change of socks and dry shoes. What?? You have that TOO??" After 10 years he no longer bothers me about what I make him pack into the truck. :) 


Normally we do not go to a traditional camp ground where you have a spot among 20 to 100 other paid camp sites. When I was growing up we did. Some times we did not when we would camp and motorcycle ride out in the dessert. So I had experience with both which is surprisingly helpful. But mostly up here in the Northwest we just park it where ever looks good and has a flat spot for the camper or tent. Something to think about when at a camp site with bathrooms. Some are just hole in the ground out houses and some are equipped with plumbing and showers even. Either way bring your own toilet paper. Chances are EVERY ONE will be using the same toilet or few. Yuk! Bring flip flops for any time you may think you want to be bare foot. If you don't have any of these to worry about because a bush is your bathroom, bring LOTS of toilet paper and a shovel. I've thought about crafting myself a home made john for my city boy husband (who insists on driving to the nearest plumbed restroom 10 miles or so away before he will use a bush and a hole for #2) and now even more since this will be the first year The Kid is out of diapers. I'll have to update you on that project. Just remember, double stock the cleansing products; T.P., water (lots of it!), wash clothes/towels, wipes (extremely handy and a must have for camping even if you don't have kids. I use one on my face every morning if nothing else while out in the woods), diapers (if needed), soap, paper towels, etc. It's a dirty world out there and it's all good, but clean at the end of the day is good too. :)


As for supplies I think of where we are going. What type of terrain will it be? I try to envision what we will be doing. What type of food will we be eating. We might take a hike one day so we'll need every thing we would need for sandwiches from containers to condiments to utensils for putting the condiments on and don't forget snacks (very important). I try to make cooking as easy as possible so I envision my menu too. I may make ahead spaghetti or fried chicken to reheat. What will I need to reheat it and eat it? I also like to do hobo bags of veggies and things. Chop those ahead too and don't forget heavy duty tin foil for throwing them in the fire. What if something happens like a booboo or a sunburn or lot of bugs or ?? Make sure you have an up-to-date first aid kit (also very important .. as much as the snacks). Are you going to be doing nothing at all? I mean you are out in nature, I like to take advantage of the free atmosphere and bring books (now I can just bring my kindle *giggle giggle*) and color books and crayons for The Kid (along with a whole stockpile of toys, her favorite being her own made detective kit complete with magnifying glass, tape measure, compass and enough room for a whole pile of cool rocks and maybe a pine cone or two for The Dog). And Hubby likes to catch up on missed sleep. Things we can all do in our own peaceful time. 


Other than that just enjoy your time and each other. Nature is a wonderful gift for all of us to enjoy and engulf our selves in. Remember to respect it and all the things you bring into it, take it all with you. Growing up I've seen many ... way too many beautiful places shut down to the public because of the abuse and garbage people left behind. One of the many things my parents taught me when they were sure I was not listening was, if you pick it in you pack it out. So remember all the things to take all this stuff back home in. Trash bags, laundry bags, wet bags for bathing suits, etc. (to cut back on garbage burn paper and cans in the fire, but please recycle or throw away the glass and plastic. Glass will remain for unsuspecting tender feet and plastic is an even nastier chemical when it is not solid).


I would tell my then boyfriend that it was better to be safe than sorry when it came to being out in the woods far from conveniences that we take for granted. It is so wonderful to be out in the peacefulness of the woods and far away from technology. But in this day and age this is all much more enjoyable if you don't run out of T.P. with bushes for bathrooms or forget the can opener but decided to go the easy route and do canned dinners the whole trip. Maybe it was because I was camping before I new what camping was or maybe it's because I was a girl scout. How ever I developed a passion and knack for all this doesn't matter. What matter's is Tuesday it's going to be 71 degrees Fahrenheit and that means it's time to get the camping gear out and make sure it's all in shape and ready to go! YEAAAAAA! =) Hear I come, woods!!! 

A Work In Progress

My husband and I met in a bar. I know, not very romantic, but that's how it happened. We actually met through a friend of mine that I cooked with in the restaurant of this old time style bar and grill. He was my friends brother in-law just moved here from the Bay Area of California. This was part of the reason were all friends to begin with, the mutual love and longing for the golden state. Him and I dated for about 4 years before getting married. This last September was our 5 year wedding anniversary. No applause please. Yes, it was a triumph, but any one can do it and I'm going to tell you how.


I know 5 years of marriage doesn't seem like a lot or maybe it does. Either way, it's work day in and day out. I was not always aware of this though. I thought that if you find the right person it should never seem like work to make the two of you happy. Right?  HA!! I've been with this guy for 10 years now and even though he is the right one for me, he is still his own person and no one is JUST alike. As a matter of fact, him and I are very opposite in a lot of ways. For one; I live rock and roll. My wardrobe consists of Levi's jeans, In N Out t-shirts and many pairs of off the wall Vans. I am a tree hugging, camping, animal loving hippie. He, on the other hand is very into hip hop and rap, he's very G.Q. in his style and is always sure that his shoe laces do not show out of the bottom of his pant cuffs. He is very much a city slicker in most aspects of the term. We have some similarities and a lot of them are in our views and beliefs. Those are very important in a marriage and especially if you plan to have children. We my not always see eye to eye on these views and beliefs, but we understand these things come from the heart and how you were raised and we respect these in each other. Even the opposites are attractive to one another. He is (shall I say it?) 6 years younger than I. He keeps me young, to say the least. I enjoy going to hip hop clubs with him and going dancing. He LOVES to camp now and especially with the kids (I say plural because our newest member, The Dog, is of course as much of a kid as The Kid). 


Like I said earlier though, no one is just alike. Even twins, identical twins can prove that. They have different likes and habits. So any time a person is stuck with another person till death do you part, there is going to be work involved to coexist happily for eternity. We found that out BIG time after The Kid was born. About a year or less into parenthood we just about imploded. 


Most of our family live else where in the country. The Kids immediate family that lives near us consists of her Nanna which is my husbands mother. She's retired, does not drive and lives waaay on the other side of town. Not to mention the few close friends we did have did not live relatively close either nor did they have babies. Most of them had grade school kids. We had NO idea what we were doing and [in my eyes] were alone at raising this miniature human being. I mean she was a live, breathing human that was solely in our care and depending on us 100%. Talk about crazy reality!


Needless to say it put some big strains on mine and my husband relationship. Even after almost 7 years of being together, we had to learn how to live together all over again. It was no longer him and I out to conquer the world. It was now The Kid out to conquer us. Shortly after having my breakdown and realizing I could not be responsible for giving The Kid a part time daddy, among other epiphanies, my research mode kicked in. 


We are definitely not the type of family who could afford a shrink (although probably highly needed for each one of our family members) and ultimately that is what we needed. At least that was my reasoning, especially after reading countless books and searching and reading for countless hours on the Internet. I knew the basics of our problems but I was not finding the solution tailored for our problems. I finally called in a friend card. A friend from high school whom I had found on the oh-so-wonderful Internet years after moving on with our lives happened to be a family counselor. I explained to her that I was not looking for any hand outs [I was] and that I truly just needed some professional insight on what we could do in our financial situation [we're poor]. I briefly told her our base issues and also explained that religion is a bit different for us in our daily lives so the suggestion of talking to our spiritual leader was not an option. After some encouraging words and props on not throwing in the towel like so many do she gave me a few tips and recommended the book The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work. This thing has become my bible.It's got sticky note tabs sticking out here and there, dog eared pages, scuffed corners, highlighter marker every where. It's an amazing tool. This book finally gave me the a way to work on our relationship instead of over defining the types of problems we may have and trying to get us to talk and think like the other to fix it. This gave me ways to rekindle our fire and to help bring us back to the feelings that brought us together in the first place. One of the coolest tools of the book is a 7 week exercise that is simply leaving your loved one a note [or that's how I tweaked it to work for us]. It's used for the work week when you don't see each other very much. The days objectives are all different and vary, like writing about a time you were happiest with each other, or what are 3 things you love and would not change about your partner? Or something of the sorts. You would not believe how teen-aged-boy-horny we were for each other. Of course it was that among other things we were working on suggested by the book that made us realize the love we ultimately have for each other. In other words it made us realize that no matter what life throws at us (and it seems to throw a lot our way. I don't know whether to be pissed or flattered.) we could live through it together. We've survived nearly 4 years of parenthood and I still love The Kids daddy more than I consciously realize. 


We have our bumps where we'll fall off the wagon of marital sobriety and have to remember where we are and why we are here. Then we just get right back on the crazy wagon and continue on our venture of monkey taming.